My hands are shaking, Pain creeps into my clenched fingers. My heart beats a bass drum in my ears.
I’m standing bent forward, staring at my hands cramped on the back of the seat before me. Decision time. Now. My knuckles turn white, I can feel my pulse throb in my neck and migrate toward my temples.
My knees quiver, and my feet wont budge. I have to move. I must decide. Do it now. No, don’t move, I must, just one step. I can’t. I must. His silent voice tugs on my heart.
Sweat trickles down my side from my armpit. I must choose. Decide now. Do it now. Sweat beads on the back of my neck and tension makes my arms rigid.
Breath. Breath in. Hold it. Breath out. Again. I can do this. Just choose. If no, I’ll burn in eternity. If yes, my destiny will change forever. I am alone surrounded by a crowd. I must decide alone. Alone with God.
Suddenly, I’m moving. Decision made, I rush forward and kneel at an altar, praying, asking God to forgive me, to save my soul. He answers and peace floods my entire being.
God called me to preach the Gospel and make disciples. I knew this even before I accepted Christ as my savior. I struggled with the decision to be saved. I knew if I accepted Christ, I would have to preach. I didn’t want to preach or to be a pastor, or a missionary, or any kind of minister. But He called.
When I went to the altar and asked Jesus in my heart, I had to simultaneously accept the call to ministry. My destiny changed. No longer could I live to satisfy self, but I started living for God. His desires became my desires.
At that altar, His presence, His will became the focal point of who I would become.
servinginhisvineyard 